i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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