it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
