I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we're making bets on your personal life
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
