burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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