Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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