Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize