It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize