I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
