Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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