I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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