so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize