i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
