My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
