So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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