At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
