Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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