He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
