DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
