Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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