im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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