god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
