that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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