hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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