Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
