So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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