Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm passing your future prison.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
