Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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