remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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