This beer is not sobering me up at all
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
