His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My ass is underappreciated
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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