Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
