Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Randomize
