accomplished twins. life is a go
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
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