yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just gift wrapped bread.
nutella sex= disaster
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
