is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
