are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
