my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
