lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
