I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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