Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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