so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
