In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
