my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we're making bets on your personal life
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize