that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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