There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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