She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
