Dual....:-)
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
