Well douche your snatch and let's go!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize