my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
