Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
