she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
