apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
