So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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