I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
