i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize