1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Even my vagina gasped.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
