So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
