My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize