TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
