Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
