And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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