he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
