Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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