awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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