bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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