Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
