5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
