have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
