I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
